Today I have a good email from a guy who met a girl at one of America’s finest family-friendly restaurants (self described), 

and his scenario shows some of the more common mistakes that guys make in the early process of dating someone they are really into.

Lets get into the email now

(note that anything in Italics is the emailer and my response/thoughts are in bold)

Email

Hey, I saw your YouTube channel and I thought it was great. I even subscribed!

Thanks, man. I appreciate that. Hopefully others follow suit. 

Anyways, I have a scenario. I met a waitress at Hooters a week before Christmas

….That a boy

I ended up getting her number by the end of my lunch and we even made plans to see each other that same day. This indicated high interest to me…

 I met her at a restaurant with her friend and we had drinks and a great time. 

Yes, the fact she made a same day date with you definitely indicated some higher level of interest on her end. 

As a rule I would avoid having a group date or a 3rd wheel tag along in those early stages. I am not sure if she let you know she was bringing a friend when you made the date, but if she just showed up with her that isn’t great.

But for all of you guys, no group dates of any fashion when you start dating a girl. 

That night I went to her place and met her mother and father. Her and I had a very romantic night and we wanted to see each other the very next morning… 

I mean it seems a lot is happening REALLY fast here which is probably what starts to contribute to the downfall of this, also really fast.

I am not sure if you’re younger and both live with parents, which is fine, but it seems to be moving at a very fast pace here. 

Which feels great at first but does have consequences…

Anyways her family invited me to spend Christmas Eve with them, and I went. I spent the night with her family, and it was a great time. However, drinks were flowing and her parents wanted to go to the casino. I wanted to go home but decided to stay with her and her parents since I thought that’s what I needed to do to impress. 

So this is one of the most common mistakes right here, and he seems to identify that now by seeing his actions versus the results.

The common thought process is okay this is going well so I kind of have to keep obliging to impress the girl, even though it’s not really what I want to do. 

He said it himself, he was tired. He spent a good amount of time with her and the family and wanted to go to home, but stayed to go to the casino only on the basis that he didn’t want to disappoint her, or in other words, wanted to impress her.

This is a very common mistake, most guys do something like this and I am guilty of it over and over again in my early dating life.

It is being overly accommodating so as not to upset her, and even little innocent times again and again start to add up into you basically being walked over. 

In this situation, if you’re tired and it was a long day/evening, you display strength if you told her “hey I am pretty tired, I had a great time but I am going to head home but I hope you all have a great time at the casino”. 

Give her a nice kiss goodnight and leave. You are doing what YOU want to do. Maybe she gets a bit taken aback, but that’s okay, you’re showing your strength and, in the long run, gaining respect. 

You are also leaving some mystery and allowing some space for her to think about you and miss you while she had a great time with you and is now just at the casino with her family.

That blew up in my face when I was dead tired and somewhat displeased with being out at 2:30 in the morning after a long night. We had a little argument and then her sister took her and I home. 

The next morning I decided to stay at my house and drop my Christmas plans with her to which she was not happy with. 

Yeah she definitely wouldn't be happy because you made the plan then acted out of emotion and not being congruent with your words/commitment. 

Anyways, she ended up having me over for Christmas since she wanted me over. After that day it all kind of fizzled out from there. She never verbally told me she wanted a long term relationship in fact she said quite the opposite which was quite the confusing part. Why would we involve families and not want a long term relationship? Beats me…

Again, big mistake a lot of guys make is thinking about the long term relationship. This scenario is like a whirlwind first couple of meetings over a very short period of time.

A man's entire mindset during these initial dating stages should be to go out on dates and have a good time and make sure she has a good time, not worrying about long term relationships or trying to lock her into something.

Worrying about a long term relationship will cause you to start acting with this intention in mind, and it will push her away and she may back off.

This doesn’t mean you are not allowed to want a long term relationship, but it always comes down to how women’s feelings grow slower than mens. 

Understanding the way women's feelings grow is critical to raising attraction in the initial dating stage. 

 Anyways, I guess I was a bit clingy in the beginning, but it had been a while since I had a serious relationship. I told her a few weeks after that fiasco that I was going to move on and she didn’t respond to that message. I deleted her social media account and we haven’t spoken in about a week and a half. 

Right, so just leave it at that. I empathize with you about getting caught up and clingy because you haven’t been in a relationship in a while.

This was the part I struggled with the most. I would get to that maybe 6 or 7 date mark with someone new I was into,

and it would be going well, but I was constantly trying to progress things into a relationship instead of letting her take her time and having it be her idea. 

It became a pattern where whoever I was dating would always get around that point, then start to fizzle because even though the girl would be highly interested in me early, these rom com actions over time would start to lower her attraction to the point where she would be “confused” or “need space”. 

Now that I understand the way attraction works with women, I look back and can pinpoint literally every single time where I went wrong, and it would always end up with the same result.

So I speak from experience. It will be challenging to do at first, because as you displayed early on you think you have to take action to impress and win women over.

You DON’T

The more you see results stemming from being stoic and showing strength, the easier it is to do and be disciplined.

Think of it this way, has being clingy or acting like Netflix shows tell men to be worked up to this point? For me the answer was a hell no on basically every occasion.  

That was the breakthrough to open my mind up to trying something different.

I miss her a lot and sometimes I wonder if she’s the one I need to be with. However, I also still see some of the red flags.

That’s a lot….

Conclusion

Well you met her at Hooters so I can think of at least two reasons why you miss her a lot.

But kidding aside, I think it is pretty early to say if she is the one you should be with. I think you are just missing her because she was hot, but you have to see reality as it is. 

Maybe she comes back into your life and you could casually date her and see where it goes, but I think you are getting way ahead of yourself thinking it is the one you need to be with.

You are already saying “you see some the red flags”, but you are contemplating waiving those off because she’s hot. This is where you get into trouble.

It’s up to you but ignoring them won’t make them go away in the future. But definitely learn from this experience of too much too quickly.

You don’t have to impress women, you just need to be confident. Confidence is the most attractive feature of a man that women look at.

 Remember that women’s feelings grow slower, so you don’t have to try and rush somebody into a relationship. If the girl obliges that early, that can also be a red flag and insecurity. 

Just enjoy, but continue to date and understand these concepts, and you will see a difference in your dating life and the way women respond