Today I have an email from a guy who wanted advice because he hesitated on asking a girl out that he works with, and she is now acting a bit cold towards him.

EMAIL

Hey Jeff, there’s a girl at work I like who used to show signs of interest—smiling, starting conversations—but now she’s completely pulled back and avoids looking at me. 

I think I missed my chance by not making a move sooner, and she recently got a boyfriend. It feels rough, and I’m torn between addressing it by asking if I’ve done something wrong or just acting unaffected. 

But if I act unaffected, she’ll never know I actually like her. What would you do?

Asking Her If You Did Something

First off, to the point about having the urge to ask her what you did wrong

I would definitely NOT go ask her if you’ve done something wrong. That’s going to look very weak and put her in a very uncomfortable spot where nothing positive is in it for you. 

If it were me, I would act completely unbothered and still be friendly, smile. You can control that, you can’t control how she responds with you now.  

How Will She Know You Like Her

He mentions that if he acts unaffected, how will she know that he likes her.  

Well, women have pretty good intuition and she probably sensed your interest if you were flirty and smiling during those convos you had during the team leading up to this.

Also, her pulling back since getting a boyfriend can be a sign too that she knew you liked her. Now she is pulling back because her focus is now on the new boyfriend. I mean, the bottom line is that you’re right, you missed your chance because you didn’t make a move so she didn’t think you were interested.

If she has a boyfriend now, you can’t be that low character guy to try to interfere. I would focus on dating others, which if she gets wind of, will also increase your value in her eyes. The reality is, there is a high percentage chance that the new guy she is dating will screw up with her, so down the line she could be single again. 

Hesitation Creates Frustration

You are right to feel rough and I know exactly what the frustrating feeling is after hesitating. I missed way too many opportunities when younger just because I was too scared to make a move. I would spend so much time racking my brain about what could happen or “what if” she doesn’t like me.

Your feelings are based out of fear and inaction. This pain and frustration is perfect to learn from. You have to get your mind to a point where you don’t care about being rejected because you are incredibly confident and know what you bring to the table.

To a point where you won’t hesitate for something that you want. You need to understand that yes, there are billions of women in the world, but they are not all going to be attracted to you.

The worst thing somebody can say is no, they aren’t interested. But if you are confident in yourself, you will not care because you know there are plenty more out there.

Dating At Work

In this scenario I know there may have been a bit more hesitancy of asking her out because it is at your place of work. I’m not a big fan of dating at work, and I’m not judging because I have done it before. It just has so much more potential for issues and more drama if things go south. 

I’ve had my experience of that and it is more challenging to deal with as the spotlight is on you in front of other coworkers.

This isn’t to say you can’t, it’s entirely up to you. Just be aware of the increased pitfalls around doing it.

Conclusion

Again I can’t make decisions for you, but I do want to present the information and lay out what happens.. 

It is a learning experience, but you have to actually learn from it. 

I lost out on a girl who, at the time when I was just out of college, I thought was the woman of my dreams for a similar scenario and reason. 

I hesitated and was trying to make everything perfect, waiting for perfect moments and putting her up on a pedestal.

What I know now is that she basically saw me making no moves, and lost interest completely. Her attraction level went from very high to becoming very distant from me,  and then starting to date somebody else.

I still remember when she told me she was seeing somebody else, that was the turning point for me. 

What I focused on afterwards grew me into the man I am today, and having the mindset of abundance and confidence is an amazing way to live.