Nice guys finish last. This is a term we always hear and is very true when it comes to dating and relationships. But does that mean you have to be a bad guy in order to be successful with women? 

Why Do Nice Guys Finish Last?

It is important to really understand what it is about nice guys that make them finish last in dating.

I know the increasingly frustrating feeling of dating someone and at the start it seems to be going really well but then she suddenly starts to become less interested and say “you’re a really nice guy, but I think we should just be friends for now” or something akin to that.

I say increasingly frustrating, because this is what kept happening to me over and over in my dating life, so I understand the pain. If this happens to you, this is because you are doing exactly what I did, which is to be overly accommodating or a pleaser, or focused way too much on trying to get her into a relationship with you.

If you set dates and you are making her pick from a bunch of options because you don’t want to choose something that upsets her, that is being pleasing. You need to take the lead and set the date firm and be in charge. That is masculinity and women respond to that.

If you’re changing a set plan to accommodate her even though it’s something you really wanted to do, you are being a pleaser. Behaving like this for a long enough time causes her attraction to you to drop and, quite frankly, her respect level for you will also drop.

She knows that she can walk all over you, and that immediately devalues you. Women have to respect a man to be in love with him or see him in a romantic way.

You may be thinking you’re just being nice, but if you’re being a pleaser it actually communicates to her that you are being weak.

Enough showings of being a pleaser, and essentially being weak, over time. Her attraction falls off a cliff.

How You Should Act

But does that mean you have to be a terrible guy or mean to her to increase her attraction?

No, it’s not about being mean or rude or “not nice”. It is about having a strong masculine core and not being a complete pushover. Don’t change your opinion to match hers, if you believe in something you have to own it.

You have to show that you value yourself and are confident and secure in who you are as a man.

When you’re changing your opinions or being a pleaser, that communicates you’re weak you’re trying to prove to hear that you are worthy. You’re seeking her validation and acceptance.

If you’re also dating and your main focus is trying to get her into a relationship way too fast, this again communicates that you are needy and insecure so you’re trying to get her locked into you because you don’t really believe you are worthy.  

Focusing on that is going to do is the opposite of what you intend. You need to just enjoy the dating process and have a good time with her, going on fun dates and letting her feelings build for you.

If She Is Rude To You

But what if she is rude or mean to you, should you just take it so you don’t upset her?

No, it means  you should be standing up for yourself if she talks to you rudely or treats you poorly.

 Too many times now we watch sitcoms and shows where the wife or female partner in a relationship is constantly berating or insulting the man and his character is written to just sort of take it and act dumb or less than her.

 If the girl you’re dating speaks to you rudely or is insulting you, and you don’t stand up for yourself, that’s going to absolutely devalue you in her eyes.

 Standing up for yourself doesn’t mean yelling back at her or insulting her back, it means calmy  but firmly (remember, you are a centered guy), tell her to not talk to you like that and if she wants to speak with you it should be in a loving way.

You need to set those boundaries and it is unacceptable for two people to communicate in an insulting manner.

 If you let her walk all over you, she will lose respect for you and eventually break-up with you.

She Broke Up With Me

 But what if she breaks up with you? 

Surely then you can be nice and accommodating, stay friends with her, then she will see how great you are again and come back to your right??

Absolutely not. If you act weak and needy, causing her to back away, most guys (myself included for a long time) start to chase her and attempt to please her by asking what you did wrong and try to fix it.

 Again, needy. You need to communicate that you don’t agree with the breakup, and then give her that space.

You need to be patient and understand that walking away and not chasing after her is a powerful tool that communicates strength and indifference, and that you’re not afraid of not getting other options.

You are not needy and value yourself. It is challenging to do at first.

But the more you practice this in scenarios and the more you see results, and you WILL see the difference, the easier it becomes to mold your mindset to behave this way and value yourself.

Conclusion

 When you have this mindset of abundance, these actions become natural because you are not living in fear of not being able to find another girl, or that “if you lose her you don’t know what to do”.

Concurrently, when you develop this abundance mindset and confidence, combining this with the understanding of how women’s minds and emotions work will completely flip your ability to be successful in dating.