If you’ve been looking for help during a break-up or just looking for dating and relationship advice in general, you’ve probably come across the topic of No Contact. 

Today I’m talking about the problem of how a lot of guys approach incorrectly, and I’m going to help you understand why approaching it this way impacts you adversely.

No Contact

Just for a quick rundown for guys who may not know what it is in general, No Contact at its core is the process of ceasing contact with someone after they have broken up with you in a unilateral fashion. 

Aka her idea and not yours.

No contact means no texts, calls, e-mails, Facebook likes or sending funny memes. Nothing...

Mistake Guys Make

The biggest mistake with no contact that guys make is that they are using no contact as a deliberate scheme to get their girlfriend back after she broke up with him. 

Their thought process is: I will go into no contact and this will make her come back when she misses me, now I just have to wait it out.

I’ve seen this from guys in both my coaching sessions and in emergency email requests, essentially asking how long it usually takes for the girl who broke up with them to come back, and when do I think their ex will come back.

There have been times I have also seen other coaches and content on this platform promoting this thinking, saying okay go into no contact and then after a certain time period, like 30 days, you can try to reach out to check the temperature of your ex.

They present it like it’s almost a shoe in strategy to get her back. This is faulty thinking and completely incorrect. I’ve seen comments on various content as well where Some guys are even taking it to the level of hyperfocusing on how long they have been in no contact. 

This isn’t even just “how long until she comes back” I am talking about counting and monitoring the exact day and just basically wishing.

Guys will be commenting “I’ve been in no contact for 37 days now” or “no contact going strong, 64 days, hoping she comes back soon” or some nonsense like that.

That is NOT being strong, that is just being weak and marinating in a scarcity mindset.

“But coach, I was told by so many others that if I go into no contact it can make her come back”

Effect of No Contact

Well, correlation does not always mean causation.

It is true that the best course of action is to go into No Contact  if your girlfriend breaks up with you unilaterally. And, it is also true that oftentimes if you are in no contact, an ex girlfriend may reach out after some time because they are feeling your absence.

They may have started to casually date a few other guys, and those guys displayed weakness and lowered her attraction after a while, and because you showed strength and didn’t try to convince her to take you back, and went into no contact, she is now possibly rethinking her actions with you.

Real Reason For No Contact

But If you’re currently going through a break-up and are employing no contact as a SPECIFIC STRATEGY TO WIN HER BACK, you have to shift your mindset right now to understand that no contact is not intended to be a tactic.

You should be in no contact because somebody basically did not value your time or presence anymore, so you should be acting accordingly. Thinking and hoping her coming back is not valuing your time; 

No contact is a state of mind and existence, where you acknowledge that if she doesn’t value your presence, you will go out and find somebody who will.

You should spend that time improving your life, building knowledge, getting healthier, focusing on your career or business, or schooling, whatever your purpose as a man may be. I’ve had many clients experience where I have guided them through this state after their girlfriend broke up with them

To a point where they focused on, and took action, to improve their life so much that when their ex-gf did reach out at some point down the line, they had transformed themselves and their life so much that they weren’t even interested in re-kindling things.

That isn’t to say you can’t re-kindle, that choice is entirely up to you, but the success story is that they grew and became even better from that break-up, living in a life of abundance and self-reliance.  

Conclusion

Understand that No Contact can have an impact on your ex-girlfriend's actions where she may reach out to you again down the line, but your focus should be on a life of abundance and not waiting for her to come back to you.

This may never happen, your purpose in no contact is to understand where you went wrong and move forward focusing on improving your life in all aspects, including dating other women.

If you make these improvements, when you find the woman of your dreams you will understand the right approach to have a fulfilling, long lasting relationship.