Imagine having your wife look at you one day and quietly say "maybe we gave up too soon and things really can be different"

If you clicked on this video, chances are that's what you want more than anything.

But everything you have tried to get her to change her mind feels like it is just making her more certain she is making the right decision. 

Today, I want to show you something that completely changed the way I looked at relationships.

Because once you understand how her certainty was actually created, you'll stop trying to force her to change her mind and focus on the things that will naturally make her question the divorce conclusion she has already reached.

DON’T ACCIDENTALLY MAKE HER CERTAINTY STRONGER

One thing you have to take out of your repertoire if she has said she wants a divorce is to stop looking for that perfect conversation that will change everything in her mind. 

I know exactly how powerful that urge feels because when you're terrified of losing someone you love, words feel like your greatest weapon.

It feels like one incredible conversation could completely turn everything around.

I have talked myself out of so many relationships where I may have been able to turn things around, thinking I would be able to get her into one more conversation and REALLY convey how I felt and how serious I was at changing. 

What I should have been thinking is that if these months of conversations didn't create certainty in the relationship for her to try, why would one more conversation suddenly erase the uncertainty?

And this isn’t me trying to discourage you from wanting to turn things around, it is actually meant to free you because the pressure you have been putting on yourself is enormous. 

Pulling out all the stops and trying to really figure out what she wants or would listen to in order to change her mind. 

There are things you can do that give you the best chance for her to change her mind, which I will get into in a minute so stick with me…

Unfortunately too many men go down the path of trying to explain themselves better or become “really serious now” about wanting to make things right. 

I had to learn the hard way that people rarely become more certain because someone explained harder.

It is not very impactful to try and explain someone’s emotions away, which is why every time you try to explain your standpoint but still show up the same, you are actually making her MORE certain since the interaction is already confirming what she already believes. 

So the focus needs to be: how do you get her to start questioning that confirmation and decision she currently feels so certain about you?

The answer to that lies with something most men completely overlook…

CERTAINTY IS BUILT FROM PATTERNS

If someone close to you lies to you once, you might be disappointed.

If they lie to you repeatedly, you start seeing a pattern and thinking that they might be dishonest overall. 

If someone forgets something once, it is easy to shrug it off because we are all human. 

But if they forget something repeatedly, you begin to believe they are unreliable. 

So those little patterns of complacency, saying you will change but still being the same, having the same arguments over and over where you may react and invalidate what she is saying so that you can prove your point.

Those all add up to her feeling unheard, misunderstood, and emotionally exhausted. 

Again, every marriage is different. But over time, her brain starts predicting what tomorrow is probably going to feel like based on yesterday.

It is an incredibly efficient way to operate, and most of the time it is a very accurate one. 

Those patterns of repeated incidents in your marriage (even if individually small) have cemented the certainty in her head, where her brain tells her "I think I already know how this story ends."

So take that to heart when I say that since the certainty in her head was built from repeated patterns, it is going to be very difficult (if not impossible) to dismantle it with repeated promises.

That's why the explanations, promises, and even material gifts generally do nothing to sway her decision of wanting divorce, a conclusion that took a long time to get to. 

You can’t just get her to sit down and tell her, trust me I am emotionally reliable now. 

As nice as it might be to hear, she ain’t gonna believe you. 

I mean, would you believe her if she is constantly berating you for not taking out the garbage and then one day she says “babe, come here I have to ask you something about why the garbage isn’t out, I swear I won’t get mad”...

Would your first instinct be that she isn’t going to get mad at you?

Obviously not, but another problem is that no boundary has been set by you and has allowed that treatment…but that is for a different video on a different day. 

The point is, we don’t believe words. Those words are always going to be compared against patterns, and patterns will ALWAYS win. 

So we talked about how there is no singular breakthrough conversation that will reverse the course of her wanting a divorce, then what should you actually be focusing on?

BECOME SOMEONE SHE HAS TO REEVALUATE

Instead of changing her mind, you want to become someone she has to reevaluate. 

There is a distinction in how that strategy plays out. 

Since the certainty in her head has been built up with those patterns, you need to start learning how to slowly stop matching what she expects you to be. 

You have to dedicate your focus to making all those changes in your life that will better you as a man, that when you start to live those consistently you create patterns that become impossible for her to ignore. 

This genuine growth is incredibly powerful, and what sucks is that a lot of men would rather just not put that effort and be a victim instead of doing things that will change their life in all areas. 

That's why I always tell my clients, you have to be done chasing temporary behaviors and build permanent character. 

STOP TRYING TO WIN TODAY

I know how badly you want to be able to find your own certainty right now.

You want to know whether she'll stay, whether she'll reconsider, whether the marriage can still be saved.

I completely understand that, which is also what drives us to find some switch that will work faster than anything out there. 

Your own uncertainty of what will happen and your life feeling like it is being turned upside down is incredibly painful.

It makes every day feel like you're waiting for a verdict on the rest of your life.

Even with that feeling like it is true, you cannot fall into this trap.

When you become obsessed with winning everything back today, you almost always sacrifice becoming the kind of guy who can seriously change everything for you… tomorrow.

Once you realize how much in control of what happens next you are by going through a transformation, the easier it becomes to stop handing her the responsibility of regulating your emotional state.

This helps you do two things: first it allows you to start taking back your self respect and rebuild that internal identity again, and second, it takes away an enormous burden that she has been forced to carry emotionally.

Whether your marriage ultimately survives or not, learning how you lead in a relationship, learning to create emotional safety, show up for yourself, and really committing to leveling up as a man (which most will just not do) will change your life. 

Those are also the exact qualities that create the greatest opportunity for your reconciliation with your wife.

These are the attractive characteristics that create trust and stability, and will be the x factor in determining if you save your marriage. 

But they only become the X factor if you are able to be consistent over time…

And to be honest, a lot of men don’t have the willingness to do that.

It will be easy for you to talk to your buddies and maybe they just tell you that it’s all her fault and she is being difficult and punishing you (not saying she doesn't play a role in what has transpired in your marriage), so you can absorb what they are saying and not take accountability for your own life. 

Or you may make a few changes and not see immediate results so you dabble a bit but completely give up. 

That is THE common thing that happens with most people…it’s easy to do that so it feels familiar.

But you know what those people also do?

Fall into the 50 or 60% divorce rate category, or the other 25-35% that are still married but just living in an unfulfilling or toxic relationship until the end of their time on earth. 

But if you change your mindset and tell yourself you don’t have to be one of those people, you can really take back control of your life and all the good things that come with it. 

Everything you want in your life that is amazing is on the other side of some uncertainty, but everything you don’t want will still be right at your front door if you don’t take action in your life. 

YOUR NEXT STEP

If your wife says she wants a divorce, instead of feeling lost and helpless, take the pressure off yourself.

Be willing to transform your identity to a place where it just hasn’t been during your marriage.

If you don’t want to lose your wife, you have to become increasingly difficult for her to dismiss you through the way you consistently live, lead and communicate.

But you can only do that if you know what to focus on and what actually works.

The web, and YouTube, is just filled with information and false promises of what is going to immediately get her to change her mind. 

You have to walk the true path that works, and it starts with giving yourself the grace to know it is okay to want to be better for you first. 

So if that's the path you want to walk and you want a proven framework for developing those skills step by step, I've put together a free Relationship Rebuild Masterclass that walks you through the exact principles I teach my coaching clients.

I'll leave a link for that masterclass in the description and pinned below.

If you watch the masterclass and it resonates with you, at the end of it you will be able to book a free strategy call to apply to work with me.

When you work with me, we'll take your unique situation and I will help you apply the skillset to your own relationship to get your wife to reconnect with you the fastest way possible. 

I will cut through all the confusion you used to have and get you from that feeling of hopelessness to a feeling that you wouldn’t have even imagined.

So do yourself a favor and seriously consider applying for my coaching program, or somebody else’s (it doesn’t have to be me if you think I am being biased)

But you have to take action one way or another if you're serious about living the life I believe you deserve, because doing nothing is going to leave you with that result.

And if your wife hasn’t asked for a full on divorce yet BUT you know she is totally checked out, you better watch this next video right here, right now…