Today’s advice relates to when you should be texting a girl after a first date that you thought went well, and you’re interested in seeing her again.

There has been a long standing debate, and you will see arguments from both men and women, on whether or not a guy should text a girl after their first date, be it right after the date after getting home or texting her the next day, and I will tell you why you shouldn’t do either and the positive outcomes of why this advice works.  

When you finished having a first date with a girl you vibed with and did everything right during that date to help raise her attraction, you’re probably feeling pretty good after it and have a high level of excitement and want to talk to her and see her again..

That is a reasonable and pretty common thought process all of us have experienced in our lifetime in the dating game.

The problem is that this overexcitement can become detrimental to your chances based on actions it causes you to take without exercising self control and understanding the psychology of women and feminine energy. 

Let Her Feelings Build

The most common action is to text her after the date, either when you get home from it or the next day, to try and keep showing her how awesome you are, tell her how amazing the date was and how you can’t wait to see her again.

You lay everything out clear as day thinking it’s what she wants because we’ve been told through a variety of mediums in society that we should be chasing a girl down and confessing how much we like her and how awesome she is. 

She may initially respond to that in an okay manner, but continuing that type of behavior is not leaving any room for her to develop a story in her head and build feelings for you.

After that first date, if it went really well and you left some mystery about you that she still has to uncover, if you DON’T text her right after or the next day asking for a second date or singing all these praises, it will start to kick in her emotions and her attraction will start to go up because she is going to wonder about all these things she wants to know about you but hasn’t found out yet.

She will gossip with her family or friends about the date and start asking all these questions to herself about if you liked her, if you had fun, and if you are going to see each other more. This will all have an upward impact on her attraction level. 

Sets You Apart

Another reason for this approach is to set you apart from the majority of guys out there who will continuously text her and try to win her over. If she is in her dating phase and has a few guys she is seeing, they will probably be all over her texts trying to put themselves as her favorite.

If you did well on the first date and she truly had a great time with you, and you aren’t one of those guys seeking validation with constant contact, she is going to become more curious about you because she already knows where the other guys stand. 

It is completely counterintuitive and you have to be disciplined enough to fight the urge, because I know the feeling as someone who used to do it myself, you get a good looking and fun girl who you spent a fun date with and ALL you want to do is get her to like you more. 

When Should You Text Her

So you’re going to say to me “Coach Jeff, when SHOULD I text her then after we have had our first date? 

Ideally, what you are looking for is her to contact you, which would obviously be a good sign and show a higher level of interest. If she texts you after you get home from the date and says she had a good time, you can respond with something along the lines that you did as well. 

Do NOT ask her for a second date during that convo, unless she texts you saying “I had an amazing time tonight and I want to see you again”. If that is the case, she is essentially asking you out again so you should be setting up a second date on that cue (if you’re interested)...

If she just says I had a great time, you reciprocate that.

If she doesn’t text you at all after that first date, I would say you should wait maybe 5 to 7 days to reach out again, and I would call not text because it is more masculine to call,  and see if she is interested in a second date. 

Like I said, this advice isn’t about playing games but about putting yourself in situations where you are attracting high quality women and building her attraction up for you.

I will say, in a scenario like that where she is initiating for a second date, it will feel pretty damn good when she shows high interest and is already wanting to see you again, but don’t let that disarm your common sense and understanding that you are both in that probationary period of getting to know each other. Don’t just have a caveman IQ and think “she hot, must prove worth”, the reality is just because she is attractive doesn’t mean she is automatically put together when it comes to other areas of her life and personality. 

My cautionary tale was that one of my ex girlfriends showed very high interest right away, and what I was completely blinded to at the time was the possibility of her being highly insecure and clingy. After our first date, which was just drinks and appetizers at a restaurant, we both drove ourselves and met there and I was driving home after and 10 minutes into the drive she called me and told me how much she missed me and was really trying to keep me on the phone.

At the time, being totally focused on the fact like “wow she really likes me”, it never occurred to me that although it shows high attraction, it also seemed a bit TOO needy. Long story short, we dated for a while but all the insecurities showed their face during our time together which, if I was more attuned to the signs, I could have been weary of right at the beginning. 

Small side note,  it was after this relationship, the last of a slew of unsuccessful endeavors with girls where I finally put aside my stubbornness for some introspection to realize, there is something I am not understanding here. It’s hard for a lot of guys to do, I get it we have the old cliche “men can’t ask for directions” stubbornness.

Thing is, I knew I was (and still am) a good looking, fun, witty, smart, active guy, yet I just couldn’t seem to have successful relationships and I would always date a girl who showed really high interest at the start and it seemed to fade soon after. 

This is why I am giving all this advice now, because once you study the actual psychology of men and women, you see things in a whole new light and understanding the concepts allows you to act accordingly. I believe that the better men understand women, the better relationships we can have, the better fathers we can be, and better kids we can raise in a good environment. That is something that will make the world a much much better place, because right now it’s getting a bit chaotic out there and a lot of anger and unhappy people. I believe it is fixable. 

Form of Screening 

Similarly to what I said in my video on not texting a girl in the time between when you set your first date and the actual date, not texting right after the first date will also work in your favor as a way to screen out a bit about her personality that you may not have picked up on during the date. 

In other words, if she doesn’t reach out to you at all after the date and you call her the following week to ask her out again and she seems irritated or acts bitchy towards you because you didn’t call her right away, that is a bit of a tell for you that she might have some insecurities. You want her to sound happy and excited that you called, and show that eagerness to want to see you again for another date. 

Conclusion

To finish up, you need to be a guy who is confident in who they are and is unbothered if a girl is not into you. You should have an abundance mindset and if a girl doesn’t seem that interested after your first date, you should be totally fine with that and move on.

Do not go chasing after her and texting her asking “what did I do wrong” or asking for feedback, please just don’t. 

Work on becoming the best you that you can be and present that to the world, you will go through these situations like a breeze and have the confident, positive attitude that will attract a stable healthy secure girl who will appreciate you for all you are, just like you should her.