Today I have a coaching email for a guy who is making some changes to his life for the better and wanted my advice on his journey.

This one I actually moved to the top of the list because I thought it was inspiring, and wanted to be able to share that with other guys who might be in a similar spot in their life and just need that push.

 E-mail

Hi Jeff,

I'm a 28 yo guy (overweight by about 20-25 kg) who has had about 2 serious relationships (1+ year each) in life. 

For the last 3 years, dating had taken a back seat in my life and I was never into bar culture or random approaching. 

I went to just three dates through online dating in my life, because of poor match rates and laziness on my part to initiate.

In mid-November 2024, I started taking dating more seriously, improved my profile, somehow got more matches, put in more effort to initiate, and have now had 6 dates with 4 women in the last 45-48 days. 

No action has taken place as such but these dates have given me hope and I have finally broken out of the scarcity mindset (which you discussed shifting to one of abundance in your recent video), mainly because I have more matches and more options.

I want to keep going and I'm trying to use this as motivation to get fit so I can live and date to my potential (perhaps exceed it). 

I just need your motivation (and tips?) to get fit, keeping dating and abundance in mind as the driving factors.

Commendation

Well first and foremost, the fact you took the time to write me this email means you are on a great track.

You should feel very positively about that. I am proud of you, and to all other guys out there maybe stuck in a rut or hesitant to do anything, this is a microcosm of what can happen.

He has taken some action and is already seeing some results. This is what needs to be turned into habits. 

Mindset

The main issue with a lot of people is that they live in that scarcity or fear mindset, or they believe that things should just happen for them, and when good things happen to other people, it’s just because those people are lucky.

You mentioned you had only went to just three dates through online dating in you life, because of poor match rates and laziness on my part to initiate.

Then, once you started taking dating more seriously, improved your profile you “somehow” got more matches, put in more effort to initiate and started to have more dates.

This is the key right here, and I know the emailer probably understands this now, but for all of you other guys out there sulking about not getting dates, it wasn’t “somehow” it was because he took action. 

You HAVE to put the effort in. You control the effort you put in, and dating is a numbers game. This myth that the first woman you meet will magically become this perfect relationship scenario needs to be dropped from your mind.

Could it happen? Yes, but the reality is dating is a numbers game. 

You’re going to probably have a lot of failures and get a lot of no’s if you ask women out, and that is okay. They are not even to be looked at as failures. They are experiences. 

For the emailer, the only thing that changed was he put more effort into something he wanted, and started to see more results towards the path he wants. 

Jim Rohn used to say that there were two kinds of people, those who went out and took action, and those who would wait for somebody else to come and flip their switch on for them. His point was, what if that person never shows up to flip on your switch. You need to take control of your life and the actions you put in if you want a desired result.

It’s about self-reliance and personal responsibility. 

Motivation 

You mentioned the recent success and being on some dates was going to be used as motivation to keep fit and date to your potential or exceed it. That is exactly what you should do. Dating for men is all about confidence.

It’s not just the weight, it’s about being healthier overall and the endorphins that get released when you exercise put you in better moods, make you feel better, and give you greater confidence.

Your motivation was the same motivation that you had to write this email, you want progress and a better life.

So I don’t have a ton of tips in terms of working out, but what I can tell you is that showing up and continuing to show up is the best thing you can do. And it compounds, the more you go to the gym and get in a workout routine, the easier it is to continue. 

Especially when you start to see the results. Like building a skyscraper, takes a bit of time to build the foundation but once the floors start being built it seems to go up pretty quick. 

It doesn't matter if you are 40 or 50 pounds overweight necessarily, but your confidence will go up the more you get into better shape.

An example of this is one of my best friends, his wife’s friend (who is a very good looking girl) is married to a guy who is overweight. I am talking round face double-chin overweight.

Thing is, he is an incredibly great dude and owns who he is. He still plays men's league ice hockey, is a fun and funny guy, and carries himself with a lot of confidence, not arrogance, just confidence.

They have been together for a long time and have a couple kids.

Conclusion

Point is, I definitely encourage you to continue being more healthy and getting in shape, it’s better for your health overall.

The main idea is be confident and take action, don’t get discouraged if you some girls say no or don’t go out with you. It is a total numbers game. I would also suggest to be more open and outgoing wherever you are when talking to women, even if it’s just someone working in a store at the cash or wherever, no matter what they look like.

You will gain more confidence by treating women the same and talking to them in a fun, playful manner, even if you are not hitting on them. 

Lastly you mention not being into the bar scene, that is actually a good thing. You can find women in places that interest you, whatever that may be. Much higher chance of having things in common then just meeting women drinking at a bar.

But, Good job on taking action on this new journey and please keep going. You’re going to love the difference in your life and it is something only you are in control of.