Today’s advice is the VERY misguided habit of guys coming on too strong and trying to get the girl they just started dating into a relationship.

So when I was younger and dating I was always picturing one goal, get this girl I’m into to be my girlfriend. I thought I was doing everything I was supposed to be doing when I had a really good looking girl I was attracted to that I was dating, but after many experiences where we started out amazing and everything was going really well , it was programmed in my head to be like I have to now get this to the next step.

In my head, it is my job now to secure that boyfriend/girlfriend relationship status.

So I would go and try to action that, and to my surprise, often times (remember things were going amazing up until that point) all of a sudden she became a little more unclear on her end.

It started to feel that she was unsure, that she was maybe not as attracted or started to lose interest in me. This happened multiple times dating different women to a point where I started thinking there were something wrong with me and to be honest

it’s not that I really thought something was wrong with me but what I really realized was maybe I don’t know, as much as I thought I knew, and as Jim Rohn used to say you, if somethings not going great, you’ve got to change your philosophy, and that was the problem it wasn’t necessarily me, but it was definitely my philosophy.

Just look at what we are bombarded with when we are watching Netflix HBO CW you name it. Every channel has shows that showing you the wrong thing.

Even most recently, I’ve been catching up on Ted Lasso, which is a great show, but even in that there’s the character, Nathan Shelley, who starts off as the kit man for the Richmond soccer team and he’s very unsure of himself very weak, very shy and long story short he works his way up and ends up getting a chance to be the manager of West ham United in the Premier league and he starts dating this girl that he really liked and he’s very very weak and sort of unsure of himself and just goes along that way and they go after maybe two days and he’s like so.

What are we?

 And this is the problem, too many “good guys” who are looking for something genuine and long term make the huge mistake of trying to get that cemented too early. You should never be asking “what are we”.

Your job is to continue to date and have a great time with her, and let her attraction build for you.

Her feelings have to build for you. Women fall in love at a slower pace than men. You are interrupting that pace by trying to force her to label something too soon. That’s why when I tried to get into relationship mode, the women suddenly became more unsure and started to pull back.

There are a variety of studies that have been done about the pace of men and women falling and live, and it’s without a doubt that men fall in love faster.

One study was a study done by the JOURNAL OF Social PSYCHOLOGY that found that men in a study took as little as a couple days to weeks to fall in love; for women, it was at LEAST a couple months. This shows why it’s important to go at a slower pace than the woman.

You have to be conscious, as excited as you may be about the girl, of this absolute fact about how women’s feelings develop, and act accordingly.

Conclusion

So just keep dating her, having a great time, don’t over pursue or make yourself too available, and let her feelings build until the point where she is asking YOU “what are we?” Or she mentions wanting to be exclusive with you.

That’s when you can decide and move from there. It’s tried and true, and once I started doing this, my results were incredible.