If you’re trying to save your marriage right now but your wife is completely checked out, you need to watch this video today.

One of the biggest turning points I see in the men I coach isn't when their wife suddenly starts trying again, it's when they stop waiting for her to.

Now I know that probably sounds completely backwards because if you're watching this, there is a high chance you're exhausted from feeling like you’re the only one trying to reconcile. 

But if you watch the rest of this video, I'm going to show you what leadership actually looks like when you're standing there by yourself... and why it changes everything about the way your wife experiences you. 

You just have to decide, are you going to spend all of your energy trying to get your wife to move, or are you going to become the man who knows how to move first?

That decision will change everything for you.

IT FEELS UNFAIR TRYING ALONE

Feeling like you are the only one trying to save your relationship can be an incredibly lonely situation. 

It can even start to feel like you're living in two completely different realities.

A lot of your time (especially when trying to fall asleep or when you first wake up) is spent really wondering what you can do to help make things better.

What can you do to get her to change how cold she is acting towards you? 

But when you observe her, it feels like she is just living her life and is resigned to just not give you the time of day that she used to. 

Even if you suggest talking or spending time together, she may just tell you she is tired or seem distant and reluctant.

You can just feel her hesitation from her mannerisms. 

It can really be draining when it begins to feel like you're the only one carrying any hope.

Honestly that added layer of wondering if you're carrying all of that weight by yourself becomes painful in its own right.

It can be really easy for that feeling to compound to a point where it makes you take a good hard look in the mirror to ask yourself if there is any point to trying if she isn’t doing anything or showing you any reassurance. 

I mean I get it; nobody wants to feel like they're fighting alone forever.

What happens, though, is that loneliness starts making your decisions for you.

You start acting from a place of scarcity and fear, and that's exactly why most guys fall into the trap of trying to make reconciliation a group project.  

And this is where it gets interesting…

RECONCILIATION ISN’T A GROUP PROJECT

When you feel like you're the only one trying, your instinct is almost always the same.

You firmly believe what you have to do is get her to start trying too.

I mean it’s pretty reasonable to presume that the only way to make progress on fixing the relationship and reconciling would be for both of you to work on it together. 

But when your focus is on attempting to get her to work on things with you, and a lot of your time goes into getting her into conversations to basically convince her to fix it together, you quietly turn rebuilding the relationship into a group project without realizing how detrimental that is to your success.

Mainly because you are only focused on measuring success by one thing, is she participating in the reconciliation yet?

Your confidence and ability to lead as a man will be non-existent if you tie your own emotional stability to how much her level of participation is at any given time. 

It is such a dangerous place to fall into. 

Because you’re essentially asking her to carry the leadership torch along with the weight of your emotional uncertainty, and that is NOT what leadership looks like. 

You have to build yourself to a stage where you are leading, even when nobody is following. 

This is much different than trying to expend energy trying to pull her along; again, not leadership. 

So what does that mean, leadership when nobody is following?

LEADERSHIP WHEN NOBODY IS FOLLOWING

Well a lot of men get stuck because hearing the word leadership can make you feel like you have to be this alpha guy who makes big speeches or just railroad your wife by taking full charge of everything. 

True masculine leadership really is not that loud, and looks much quieter. 

It’s about becoming predictable.Not predictable in the sense that you're boring.

Predictable in the sense that your emotional reactions stop changing every day.

Leadership starts when your behaviour becomes guided by your values...

That has nothing to do with her reactions and has much more to do with you embodying consistency as you are transforming into the leader of your life. 

You don’t put much stock into whether she will notice immediately or not, because real change doesn't need a press release.

It needs repetition in your daily life regardless of the reassurance, or lack thereof, she gives you because that's who you're choosing to become.

That is what leadership when nobody is following really is. 

Because if you do spend your time building that great sense of self-respect and improving your leadership skills, you start to forget about wondering if she sees how hard you are trying.

The real important question starts to internally become “would someone naturally experience me differently if they spent time around me today?"

That is the mindset you want to be in that isn’t asking for validation and is focused on becoming. 

People will experience the difference in the transformed you, and not because you’re confirming their validation. 

If you really want to look at the DNA of leadership, especially when nobody is following, it can really boil down to these two sentences:

Leadership isn't announcing where you're going.

It's walking there consistently enough that people eventually notice.

That's it.

Think about the strongest leaders you've ever respected.

I know the ones in my life didn't spend every day telling people how committed they were, they simply showed up that way - day after day.

Their actions spoke so loudly that they didn’t have to spend time convincing.

That's exactly how your personal growth needs to look.

Quiet. Steady. Consistent.

And that leads us into something that I always had backwards in my relationships, and it lost me the respect of many women I had failed relationships with.

LEADERSHIP DOESN'T REQUIRE PERMISSION

The beauty of all this is that leadership doesn’t require permission. 

There is absolutely zero reason for you to be like a lot of men and quietly hand your wife control over your personal growth.

A lot of men make the mistake of thinking, you know, "Once she starts opening up again..." or "Once she starts trying..."   "Then I'll finally..." do this, this, and this.

You cannot make that mistake…leadership doesn't work that way.

To lead literally means to set the example…leadership moves first.

Don’t be like most people who live their whole lives in the “see it to believe it” world, when you can get so much greater success if you believe in your own leadership to see the results eventually come.

Leadership always comes before a strong partnership.

Not after.

And once you really understand that...there's one final mistake that quietly ruins everything we've talked about so far.

LEADING ALONE IS NOT THE SAME AS DRAGGING SOMEONE

On the surface, it can be easy to confuse leading with dragging.

There are a lot of guys who think they are leading, but if we really look into what goes on in their marriages, they spend most of their energy trying to manage their wife's emotional journey. 

Like, convincing her or explaining things to her in an authoritative way, or just attempting to control a lot of things, that is mistaken for leading. 

That is why the efforts to drag her along to convince her to fix things is a futile task, because you can’t drag her along.

You have to become that leader for yourself first without her really being involved in it. 

The moment your personal growth depends on another person's cooperation, you're no longer leading yourself.

YOUR NEXT STEPS

If you're the only one trying to save your marriage right now, you have to remember that your job is to carry your leadership, not the entire relationship. 

You are not able to carry somebody else's decisions, emotions, or their willingness.

But you can carry yourself well to become a calmer, more grounded masculine leader that builds up her attraction back for you and an even stronger connection than you have ever had. 

That is the power of being able to learn these leadership skills in your relationship. 

So if you want the best path to learn all of the skills that truly matter and will start to grow that reconnection as soon as you start implementing them, go check out my free Relationship Rebuild masterclass. 

It will give you the step-by-step process that I used to change my life, and the one my coaching clients use to transform into the leader that helps them reconnect with their wife.

If the masterclass resonates with you, towards the end of it you will have the option to book a free strategy call to apply for my coaching program.

When we work together in the program, we will take your unique situation and set you down the pathway to reconnection with the skills that really work. 

So go watch that free masterclass today by clicking the link in the description or pinned comment below.

Now, if today's video helped you understand what leadership actually looks like when you're the only one trying, the next question becomes:

What is your wife actually responding to emotionally?

That's exactly what I break down in this next video, so go watch it right now.