What would you do to get your wife to start having regular sex with you again, and love it?

I have spent the last 8 years with my spouse, who wants sex regularly (even more than I do).

But that wouldn’t be my reality now if it weren’t for the previous 10 years of failed relationships where I lost connections and ended up sometimes having to beg for sex before I truly learned how attraction and desire worked.

So if you’re struggling in your marriage and your wife doesn’t want to have sex with you, I am going to show you what most men completely misunderstand about attraction and desire in relationships. 

INTIMACY STARTS FEELING LIKE OBLIGATION

Before your wife completely stops wanting sex, there is this transition period where intimacy is still a bit present, but it loses its aliveness. 

The sex may not stop overnight, but there are these slow changes that happen that are often easy to attribute to life becoming a bit more stressful.

So it is easy to make excuses as to why the frequency is less and less. 

The usual: kids, work, schedules, regular ebbs and flows of daily life that lead to her saying she is tired at night. 

And to be fair…look, sometimes that's true.

But if you are doing your job creating sexual polarity, she will want you regularly.

But LONG before the sex stops for good, the aliveness disappearing is pretty noticeable if you know what to look for. 

The kisses get shorter and playful touching disappears.

Love should be playful, so if you stop flirting and holding hands with her, everything starts to feel more like being roommates or business partners running a household, and just co-parents if you have kids.

That intimacy that she used to be more enthusiastic and even initiate sex sometimes turns into her seeming indifferent or, quite frankly, avoiding it.

And if you do have sex once in a while, it feels like she’s doing it out of obligation but the chemistry or spark in her is lifeless.

There is not much of a worse feeling than having sex with your woman and it feels like just a box check to her. 

I know if you’re watching this video, chances are you have either lived this before, or are living it right now…and you know the feeling I am talking about.

You can tell when someone is truly present and when they aren’t.

And it is incredibly painful when you’re having sex with someone you love but you sense she is just mentally waiting for it to be over.

As a man, as much as we want sex, we do also want that feeling to be chosen by her and desired by her. 

HIDDEN WEIGHT SHE STOPS TALKING ABOUT

If she isn’t initiating any intimacy with you anymore, and isn’t even talking about sex, it can feel like she is completely over it for good. 

It is your job as a man to be acting in a way that builds her attraction for you.

And this is where we lose a lot of men who just don’t want the responsibility and think it is all about bashing the man or blaming men, and I can tell you that couldn’t be further from the truth.

For those that think that way, they will always be blaming somebody else because they refuse to understand what the true nature of attraction is.

But for you, I hope you pay attention and take this seriously, because whether we like it or not, our actions as men are directly linked to her attraction level for you and desire for sex with you. 

When you hit that patch in your marriage where you have the same arguments and same promises, if you’re not acting as the leader, it starts to push more of the masculine responsibilities onto her shoulders.

And when that cycle keeps happening, the sexual polarity goes with it. 

You HAVE to have that polarity present to allow her feminine energy to grow in attraction and desire for you. 

She didn’t just come to the conclusion that she doesn’t want to have sex with you anymore. 

The slowly accumulated emotional experiences in your marriage where she felt unheart or emotionally alone is what starts to shift that leadership.

Honestly they can be the tiniest things, but if they accumulate enough over time it is very easy for it to snowball. 

Attraction lives inside the emotional climate of the relationship.

If that climate is unstable for a long period of time, her desire goes with it.

But if desire can erode through repeated emotional experiences, it can also be rebuilt through repeated emotional experiences.

And that's where you have far more influence than you realize, even though it feels right now like she wants nothing (or very little) to do with you sexually. 

YOU CAN’T RUSH HER BEDROOM DESIRE

When sex starts disappearing in your marriage, it is natural to try and do a variety of things you think will ignite the spark. 

You may buy her flowers or  plan a date night…which are nice things.

LIke… those are really nice things.

But the issue is, it is not those things that just automatically reignite that sexual desire for you. 

Maybe you take her out to dinner and she actually does feel in the mood…and that one night you do get lucky.

Keep in mind how into it she actually is, or does she just feel bad.

Back to the obligation I was talking about earlier. 

And if you notice her not really being into the sex and it feels like just an obligation to her, you then try to solve it by having a conversation with her or asking her questions like “what can I do better?" or “how do we get back to where we used to be?"

When you start to directly chase that desire by putting her on the spot when, obviously she knows the feeling is different and that spark is not there as much now, that direct chasing will cause it to slip away further. 

Case in point, I have told the story about my ex-fiancé and how I thought taking her on a luxury vacation to Mexico would get that spark back for us when we were going through that rough time period (where I had no clue that there were things I were doing that were causing her to emotionally disconnect from me; even though she was crazy in love for me before).

We had sex while on vacation, but I didn’t feel like she was that connected to me, and I also just kept sensing distance from her that whole week (like, emotionally…or just this aloof type of feeling I was getting from her). 

I genuinely believed that getting that time away on a nice vacation would fix the distance that was happening in our relationship.

Sure enough, within the first day or two after we got back from that Mexico trip, she was breaking up with me. 

What I am saying is that… desire rarely responds well to pressure.

Pressure doesn't have to be just saying: “we need to have more sex."

It also adds pressure by asking her if she still loves you or why she doesn’t want you anymore.

You have the right to feel hurt or frustrated, and I have asked many of those things before as well, but turning it onto her and saying those kinds of things will not help the cause. 

WHEN SHE STOPS FEELING SAFE TO RELAX INTO DESIRE

The real reason she can’t just force desire or want to have sex with you, is because along the way she has felt less and less safe with you emotionally.

For whatever reason, there can be a bunch of them (and for your specific scenario, I would have to learn more about the relationship to pinpoint exactly what that is; you can book a free strategy call with me by clicking the link in the description)...

But no matter what the specific actions that caused the disconnection, ultimately it will come down to her not feeling emotionally safe and heard.  

I clients in this situation ask me why their wife is not being intimate with them, or why she is treating it like a chore.

And the answer is often always found after I ask a few questions about what has been happening in the relationship in terms of the dynamic.

It always starts out as if they believe their wife is being punitive against them and withholding sex.

But when there has been a long period of time in their relationship dynamic where their emotional center has been placed in their wife (meaning he does not act like the leader at home and what she does determines his mood and confidence), that is where the polarity and attraction starts to dissipate. 

It's hard for her to relax into a connection filled with desire for you when the repeated evidence shows that they have to always be on guard for how your emotional state is. 

That should not be her job at all; whether you think it is fair or not, that is your job as the man. 

You can feel very confident and masculine in every avenue outside of your marriage, but when you’re at home you defer all the masculine energy to her because you’re afraid of doing any further damage to the relationship or upsetting her, so you just let her take the lead.

Unfortunately, that is EXACTLY what destroys that sexual polarity and pushes connection with you further away. 

IF YOU WANT HER TO DESIRE YOU, FOCUS ON THIS

I know that the burning question you have that you are really trying to figure out is how do you get her to want you again?

That hurt of feeling of being rejected or lonely from having that intimacy just becomes like a ghost in your relationship…and it feels very isolating and real.

I know if you think about your own situation, maybe you have even resorted to begging her to have sex with you…

And maybe she actually did.

But it wasn’t as fulfilling as you thought it would be.

I don’t want you to feel bad if you did beg, but that is absolutely something you cannot do any further if you want to ignite  that desire in her for you again.

Even if it did work, and you think it will work again, it is incredibly unattractive and will only work against you. 

Instead, stop obsessing over the attraction and feeling hurt from her, and start focusing on rebuilding connection and her trust through rebuilding yourself. 

The strongest position you can operate from is self-respect.

When you focus on making yourself accountable, boundaried, purposeful, and really rebuild your confidence and self-respect as a man, THAT is what will cause her attraction to turn around. 

If you don’t take the focus off her and her level of desire for you at this current time, you will spend way too much of your time and energy worrying about that instead of doing what really works to save your relationship and rekindle that sexual polarity. 

That is the absolute truth..

MAKE HER WANT YOU AGAIN

If your wife has stopped wanting sex, or still has it with you periodically but it feels lifeless and almost  like pity, it is revealing dynamics that may have been building quietly for a long time.

To get that fire back in her again, you need to follow a path that is proven to rebuild her attraction for you.

If you want to walk that path, go watch my free masterclass that is linked in the description and pinned comment below.

You will learn the time collapsed transformational path that gives you the ability to create that sexual polarity to attract her and reconnect sexually with her again. 

Don’t waste any more time thinking flowers or being extra nice to her will get her all over you again; it won’t work… So go watch that free masterclass today if you’re serious.

And if you are struggling to save your entire marriage and feel like nothing is working, check out this next video right here on how to save your marriage if you’re the only one trying…