If your marriage is hanging by a thread and you are trying to explain to your wife why things can be better…
you are trying to prove that you understand her now…

Or you are just trying to convince her to stay and nothing is working? 

That’s because you are not moving closer to her by doing all that, you are slowly closing the door and making divorce a serious possibility. 

So in today’s video, I am to show you why trying to convince her destroys attraction, destroys safety, and destroys your leverage, and what you can do to actually create the conditions where she reconsiders on her own and starts to get closer to you again.

Before we jump in, if you ARE having trouble in your marriage to the point of complete frustration because nothing is working, watch this entire video and at the end I’ll give you details on the fastest way to turn your marriage around so you can start TODAY.

Let’s jump into the content.

WE DEFAULT TO CONVINCING

Men who are going through this situation start to hear their wife saying things like:
“I’m done.”
“I don’t feel the same anymore.”
“I don’t know if I want this.”
“I just need space.”

This flips your world and automatically becomes a high-stress situation, but almost all men who want to save their relationship do the same predictable reflex: 

You go into case-building mode. You start thinking of all the ways that you can to try and get her to change her mind or see how much you care; you think that:

“If I can just explain things better to her… or help her see how good the future can be if we BOTH “try”, things will turn around and she will see your commitment.

This is just your brain reacting to the threat of loss, and what ends up happening is you start trying to solve an emotional withdrawal with a verbal argument.

I promise you, that has a near-zero chance of success when you’re at this stage with her and she is already leaning out, she has her feet headed towards the door emotionally, energetically, and psychologically.

So when you try to convince someone who is leaning away, what do they end up feeling?

Pressure, guilt, added stress. That is not how you want her to associate feeling around you. 

YOUR RELATIONSHIP IN A COURTROOM

Let me break it down in a bit of a different way to really get this locked in for you.

When your marriage is struggling and you sense her leaning towards the exit, and you spend the bulk of your time and energy trying to convince your wife to stay, you are turning your marriage into a courtroom.

And you become the defense attorney, defending against the collapse of your relationship. 

So what do you, as the defense attorney, do?

You start presenting evidence to get the verdict you want, which is your relationship being saved.

So your evidence becomes telling her:
“Look at everything we’ve built.”
“Look at how I’m changing.”
“Look at the kids.”
“Look at how bad divorce would be.”

The interesting piece is that your wife is not the prosecution, because she isn’t actively trying to get the relationship ended; she actually plays the role of the judge. 

The more evidence in the form of convincing or pleading that you, as the defense, present, the more convinced the judge is via her feelings that you are not able to lead the relationship back to a healthy place.  

So instead of her getting moved by the facts you present about the relationship, your defense actually signals to her that you are afraid of her verdict and you NEED her to choose you, and that alone collapses attraction.

CONVINCING MAKES HER FEEL UNSAFE

A common thought by men in your position is that she is pulling away from you because she doesn’t feel loved by you. 

That’s rarely true, and more often, she’s pulling away because she doesn’t feel emotionally safe.

Safety does not come from reassurance, which is why showing up to present your case to convince her as to why she shouldn’t leave by explaining, pleading, or even trying to use the kids as bargaining chips does not work. 

WIth this, she doesn’t feel love, she feels your anxiety and fear of loss, which makes you appear to be someone who can’t hold himself together when things are uncertain and gives her little confidence you can lead the relationship.  

Emotional safety comes from stability, and if you can’t be that stable presence in your marriage or relationship, it starts to push her towards shutting down completely. 

This is why these conversations spiral, and talking it through without having the proper ability to create emotional safety first makes things worse.

It’s why every discussion feels emotionally charged and like it ends with MORE distance and confusion added.

THE LEVERAGE SHIFT

I don’t like to frame things as a power struggle, because it can make some men think in terms where all they care about is getting power. 

But, if you are in this situation where you’re trying to save your marriage and the convincing just isn’t working: she has the leverage in this scenario.

This doesn’t mean she is purposely taking that leverage and being manipulative or trying to hurt you on purpose, but because she is emotionally disengaging due to the lack of emotional safety from you, and by rule, that emotional disengagement on her end automatically gives her the leverage and power.

Every time you try to convince her more, you give that leverage more fuel.

Why?

Because convincing tells her that you need her to validate you, and her agreement and reassurance is a requirement for you as well. 

Attraction never flows toward need, it flows toward self-possession.

And the moment she feels responsible for your emotional stability, desire goes *boop*, out the window.

The man who keeps his center when things are uncertain becomes interesting again, whereas, the man who tries to secure the outcome from her no matter what, repels her further.

Desire is not logical, it stems from emotion..
Commitment is not negotiable, and respect from her is not argued into existence.

The moment she feels like she’s being persuaded, she stops feeling like she’s choosing and women only reconnect when it feels like THEIR decision, not an appeasement of your request.

This is why the more you push, the more she resists.
The more you explain, the more she shuts down.
The more urgent you become, the colder she gets.

All of this pressure and courtroom evidence you present in defense of the relationship kills polarity.

WHAT MAKES HER RECONSIDER

So if convincing her doesn’t work to fix your marriage, what does?

Well you don’t start giving her the silent treatment or try to manipulate her because you think her emotional disengagement is a form of manipulation by her.

You have to do something far simpler, but far harder.

You stop performing for the outcome and stop pleading your case to try and manage her emotions and you shift into true emotional leadership as the masculine presence in the relationship. 

At a high level, this means you have to:

• regulate yourself instead of seeking regulation from her
  
  
• act from values instead of fear
  
  
• become steady, not persuasive
  
  

And no, this does not mean you just sit there and do NOTHING. 

You do something much more powerful.

YOUR “WEATHER SYSTEM” FRAMEWORK 

I love weather analogies because they are pretty universal to understand. 

Think of your relationship like the weather, and it is storming at this moment. 

You can be like most men, who run outside in the rain yelling:
“ I can fix this! I brought an umbrella! I promise I’ll do better!”

That does literally nothing to change the storm.

A grounded man doesn’t fight the weather, but instead, builds a predictable, calm, and solid shelter while the storm passes. 

If you can build this kind of leadership in your presence, it is truly what makes a woman feel safe enough to step back toward you.

.

So right now you have to stop trying to convince her of the future, and stop reacting like a man who is losing everything.

You have to start moving like a man who still has himself, and is willing to put in the effort to strengthen their leadership skills and that will prove to her and give her that natural attraction build-up for you again. 

You transform yourself into the man who would be chosen in the present, and it’s something that most men just are not committed to doing. 

They would rather just blame women, and their relationship fate gets sealed.

DO YOU ACTUALLY WANT CHANGE?

If you’re in this situation right now, I promise you that you are not unique:

Your marriage or relationship is suffering and you are struggling to get through to your wife, and things are just going along the same way or getting worse, you have to understand that you don’t lose your marriage because you didn’t say the right thing.

It becomes lost when you try to secure certainty when leadership is required.

You don’t want to go at it alone when every conversation that goes by without being the leader in your relationship can get it closer to being lost.

That’s what we work on inside my Relationship Rebuild program, and it starts with the FREE masterclass. The masterclass walks you through the step-by-step framework that takes you from feeling absolutely hopeless to truly understanding the transformation to save your marriage and have her attraction come roaring back for you.

If you are truly serious about fixing your relationship, go and watch it now. Every week that you hesitate and stay in convincing mode, the emotional distance on her end hardens.

The masterclass is free to watch; you have nothing to lose. The link is in the description below.

Also, if this video helped you, tap the like button because it genuinely helps the channel out, and go ahead and subscribe to the channel as well.

Thanks for watching, and I’ll catch  you guys in the next episode.