If you already begged your wife not to leave, promised her you would change, told her you would do anything to save the marriage, maybe cried harder than you have cried in years... and now you are replaying that conversation thinking you completely blew it, today’s video is for you.

Because I am not going to sit here and tell you that begging helped your situation.

It didn’t.

But the part that I really want to help you with today is that the begging already happened.

And one of the easiest mistakes you can make now is spending the next bunch of days trying so hard to stop looking desperate that you never actually deal with the desperation underneath it.

In fact, some of the things you might be thinking about doing right now to regain your wife's respect could actually be the same panic that caused you to beg in the first place, just showing up in a completely different way.

So in this video, I want to show you how to recognize that before you make things worse, and what you can start doing instead to regain your center and handle yourself differently from this point forward.

PANIC DOESN’T DISAPPEAR, IT CHANGES CLOTHES

What we really have to first address about panicking is that, even though that initial feeling of panicking and begging might be gone now, a lot of times the panic doesn’t really disappear, it just goes for a change of clothes. 

Right, like when you’re in the thick of it and your wife mentions separation or isn’t sure if she is in love with you anymore, or even as far as divorce getting mentioned…it is like someone ripping the floor right out from underneath your feet. 

Your mind is going to send you in all types of directions: thinking about your kids, the house, maybe another man eventually being around your family, OR even thinking this is happening because there already is some other guy in the picture somehow. 

And somewhere in the middle of all that fear, your brain basically shouts at you to, “DO SOMETHING.”

So you did…

You started explaining how much you loved her, maybe promised to go to couples therapy, (and if you’re like I was as the old version of me almost 2 decades ago), BEGGED her to just give you one more chance and you SWEAR things will be different. 

Honestly, there were multiple times where I did this thinking it was the right thing to do to show her that I am fighting for things, and I actually got different reactions at varying times.

Sometimes it was just a straight up no, and others it was almost like pity she was taking because she just wanted me to stop.

Either way, after those respective conversations (and I can presume that it feels like this for you as well), it doesn’t really feel any better.

You still sense that there is coldness and that she hasn’t come any closer even after you poured your heart out and begged. 

So maybe the next day you’re firing off text messages while you’re at work because you really wanted to be clear about what you meant and how much you care, because you sense she still isn’t feeling it…things don’t feel back to normal. 

So, I say all this not to make you feel shameful, because I am telling you I have done it all and seen all the different results. 

But what I had to do, and what I am looking at you to do, is to take responsibility for how you are handling things right now if your marriage is in trouble. 

Beating yourself up because you panicked isn't going to suddenly make you stronger either.

You need to understand why you did it without defending why you did it.

And if we can just be honest with each other, I know the begging came from fear.

That is exactly what happened to me over and over, fear started running my conversations. 

When that happens, all the messaging from basically every single thing we stay starts to tell the woman we love that we can’t handle her making that choice and that we need her to make us feel okay again. 

I can’t stress enough, and I had to learn the hard way through repeated pain, how unattractive it is that we need her to take all the uncertainty away from us. 

When your wife is already questioning the marriage, behaving in such an unattractive way and putting your emotional stability into her hands can create a bunch of pressure on her. 

But here is where it gets interesting.

A lot of guys assume that once they realize it was a bad move and they stop begging, the panic is gone from their actions.

The truth is, it usually isn’t and the panic really just puts on a different pair of clothes. 

Yesterday panic looked like pleading, overexplaining and asking for another chance from her.

Tomorrow it might look like silence, delayed replies, fake indifference, obsessively “giving her space,” or trying to look so unaffected that she starts wondering whether she might lose you.

The behavior may start to change on your end, but most often the emotional driver does not.

And that is where you can fool yourself into thinking you have regained your center when really you have just found a more socially acceptable way to express the same fear to her.

THE SECOND MISTAKE MOST MEN NEVER SEE

But now we get to the part I think really escapes a lot of guys…

Because after you beg for her to stay (and in the moment it feels like you have to do that and you really mean it that you want her back), afterwards you usually feel embarrassed when you finally have that post begging clarity.

What I find fascinating about embarrassment is that, in my experience, it has a funny way of making you want to prove the exact opposite of whatever you just showed her.

Think about driving on an icy road, or when there is that light slippery snowfall, you can hit a bump and the back end of the car starts sliding left, so you panic and overcorrect and turn the wheel to the right…

If you’re like I was when I was in my last year of high school in this exact scenario, your car would fishtail out of control and t-bone an oncoming Cadillac (thankfully nobody died). 

This similar overcorrecting can happen emotionally to you after begging your wife to stay and not give up on your marriage. 

The begging was the first skid.

Then you wake up the next morning, watch a bunch of relationship videos, feel ashamed of how you acted, and decide you were obviously way too needy and it was a very unattractive look.

So now you’re going to show her…

You are going to pull that wheel so hard in the other direction that you stop being warm with her because you may have seen some guy tell you that being warm equals weak. 

So now you’re fishtailing in your actions, yesterday you were communicating out of desperation to please choose you, please choose the marriage and don’t break everything apart.

Today your behavior is basically telling her,  “Look how little I need you.”

At the end of the day, the fishtailing is really communicating the same thing, instability emotionally and that you desperately need her to react differently…

Just deciding to steer in the opposite direction to go cold doesn’t give you a masculine center…

You are just changing the steering direction while communicating the same neediness.

COLDNESS IS NOT MASCULINE CENTER

So let's touch on that for a second…because having a masculine center is so incredibly important when you're talking about reconnecting with your wife, and quite frankly, building back up your own confidence in general. 

And a lot of guys scoff when they hear that… “masculine center”, they believe it is just bravado talk.

How do I know that, because I USED to think that myself back a decade and a half ago when I was struggling with women. 

And I can admit when I was so dead wrong, and it changed almost all of the problems I was having once I realized what it truly means to be centered as a man.

Having a masculine center is not about becoming colder.

It is not about walking around with your chest puffed out pretending nothing bothers you (although having that physiology of shoulders back relaxed and chest pronounced a bit really does help for confidence).

It is certainly not about treating your wife badly because you're angry that she no longer wants what you want.

Being centered, as a man… means you can care deeply about the outcome without letting the outcome make every decision for you.

That is a much harder skill.

You have to have control of your actions, because you are so confident in your center as a man that you know your internal world is not going to be swayed by other people’s mood swings or opinions. 

If you’re living like that, you know how exhausting that can be. 

WHEN HER MOOD STILL CONTROLS YOURS

But something else to touch on is that controlling your actions can’t be confused with developing your emotional strength, which is paramount to building that confident masculine center.

I’ll give you an example…

You text her during the day asking her something and she isn’t responding to you. 

So now you panic a bit and are like staring at your phone spending so much time debating with yourself.

You are having an hours long argument with yourself about whether you should double-text and ask her if everything is okay, and if she still loves you. 

You might do a great job of not sending the double-text or triple text even. 

But you now spend a whole bunch of time wreaking havoc on your mentals trying to figure out what it means…

What is she doing, why isn’t she replying, is she ignoring you on purpose…

You have done a great job controlling your actions by not sending that follow-up text…

But because of the ongoing internal debate you’re having trying to figure out what she is doing, you have still signed over the rights to your emotional state to your wife…

She has the remote control of it. 

So your actions were controlled, but your emotional strength still isn’t there.

That is where the real work is as the leader of the relationship.

And I don’t  want you to think that building emotional strength means you have to become a cyborg or terminator, some emotionless AI or something.   

That is definitely not the goal. 

This is life man, you’re going to feel pain for things, even with a strong masculine center. 

Pain is allowed to speak, and you can recognize it, it just doesn’t get to drive the bus. 

You can feel crushed because your wife mentioned separation again and still wake up tomorrow, take care of your kids, perform well in your career, and continue making decisions you respect while building your leadership skills.

That is… strength.

REMORSE BUILDS YOU, SHAME MAKES YOU PERFORM

And I think another distinction here will help you because after we beg in some fashion or another to keep our relationship together, I mentioned earlier, but we usually carry either remorse or shame.

Remorse and shame do sound pretty familiar  but they tend to send you in very different directions.

Remorse is a much more productive and reflective way of looking at things. And it really helps to build you back up stronger. 

If you’re looking at things from a remorseful perspective, you’re going to assess how you acted when you were begging in whatever way you did and tell yourself that you didn’t like how you handled that.

You’re going to recognize that you let fear take over and be dedicated to learning how to handle yourself differently so that really changes going forward. 

That is very beneficial if you take that road to look at things in that fashion. 

But if you are just marinating in shame and replaying everything over and over in your head, looking at it from that perspective is going to keep you telling yourself that you looked weak and that she will never respect you ever again. 

It almost feels like you HAVE to prove to her now that you are strong, and that is when the performance style actions may start from your side. 

The goal isn't to become an actor who plays “strong husband” better than a “desperate and needy husband.”

The true goal is to actually become more capable of handling yourself in terms of emotional leadership.

SHOULD YOU APOLOGIZE FOR BEGGING?

Which also brings up a really good question for the circumstance you may find yourself in right now. 

What if you already begged a lot?

Should you apologize for it?

Do you need to acknowledge it?

Well, the way I would approach it is that I don't think you need to manufacture another huge relationship conversation simply so you can clean up the PREVIOUS disastrous relationship conversation.

That can turn into yet another emotional event she has to sit through which will not help you move closer towards your goal. .

But if you crossed boundaries, kept pushing after she clearly asked you to stop, or you know you put an unfair amount of emotional pressure on her, then a short acknowledgment will probably make a lot of sense.

Even just telling her something like, “look.. I know that was not right and it put a lot of pressure on you. That was never my intention and I want to own that; I take accountability for that”.

That's enough… YOu’re not adding in “can you forgive me?” or “does that change how you feel now?”.

Like, you’re not asking for any attachment to that ownership. 

You acknowledge your behavior and then you give your future behavior a chance to support what you just said.

You taking ownership does not need an encore or standing ovation from her, that is not the goal. 

And honestly, some of the most important work after that, and from this point forward for you, is going to look incredibly boring.

There probably isn't going to be some dramatic movie moment tomorrow where you walk into the room with your new masculine center and your wife suddenly drops the divorce papers or says that separation is not even in her vocabulary anymore. .

It is not going to work that way; I have to tell you straight up. 

DID YOU RUIN YOUR CHANCES?

But what I want to give you is the honest breakdown of what can happen to you from here.

Because obviously one of the biggest questions you may have is wondering if you ruined your chances because you let it go as far as begging. 

Can you still work toward saving your marriage after you've already begged your wife to stay?

The short answer is NO, you haven’t necessarily ruined your chances… 

and YES, you can absolutely still work toward saving your marriage because begging does not automatically mean you have permanently destroyed every possibility of repairing the relationship.

So you have to get that out of your system. I am not going to be some fake guru and tell you to do these 3 magical three things and by Sunday your wife will be running back to you.

But you have to take into account that she has her own feelings, and she does have her own history with you. 

Your goal is to start showing up differently for yourself first, and start to build an even stronger history as she experiences you. 

You can start to control whether one desperate moment becomes the blueprint for how you handle the entire rest of your marriage crisis.

That is the opportunity you have now.

She has already seen you panic, alright.

It doesn’t matter, you have to erase that from your programming. You have identified that it wasn’t good, but that can’t be your legacy. 

What happens next is going to be the biggest determining factor in saving your marriage. 

Does she continue experiencing the version of you whose entire state rises and falls with every decision she makes?

Or, over time, does she begin experiencing somebody who still loves her, still wants the marriage, but can also carry himself when he doesn't get immediate reassurance?

That is a completely different experience and one that if you start to implement properly and be consistent, will start to skew all of the historical beliefs she has about you that have built up over your long period together. 

And regardless of where the marriage ends up, being this man will change your life. 

It is possible for you, but you have to make that decision to want to make the changes. 

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MAKE THE CHOICE THAT MATTERS

If you want help making those changes to help save your marriage I would suggest going and checking out my free masterclass that is linked in the pinned comment and description below.

Aside from just the begging, it will organize your thoughts on what has been going wrong and why, and really give you that blueprint to start doing the right things to transform yourself into the leader that your marriage needs to have that connection with your wife again. 

I highly recommend you go watch and all it will cost you is a bit of your time, but it is something that can make all the difference in what happens for you next. 

If you have stopped begging and genuinely feel like you are doing things differently, but your wife keeps telling you that nothing has changed, this video right here is going to help you understand why she tells you that.