You’re in a marriage crisis, your wife is pulling away, and the people who love you the most step in with advice.

Buy her flowers or an expensive present,  ‘Take her on a nice trip, that’ll fix it and she will remember how much she loves you’...  ‘Lay down the law and show her who’s boss.’ Or maybe even: ‘She doesn’t respect you, just walk away.’

You’re hurting, so that advice feels comforting. It feels like they’ve got your back.

Here’s the problem: there is a high % chance none of them actually understand how attraction works. They mean well — but their advice is rooted in what society teaches about love, not what actually sustains it.

Movies, social media, even well-meaning family members all push the idea that love is about grand gestures, fixing problems with logic, or powering through conflict by talking it out endlessly.

And because they love you, you assume they must be right, but love and leadership aren’t the same thing.

A marriage or a relationship doesn’t break down because of a missing trip to Mexico, trust me I have first hand experience in that pain. They don’t fall apart because you didn’t buy enough flowers. 

It falls apart when polarity and emotional safety are lost.

The truth is, the people you love, even if they mean well,  don’t know how to guide you back to a thriving relationship.

So in this video, I’ll break down:

• Why their advice can feel good in the moment but is built on myths.
  
  
• How it actually sabotages your marriage without you realizing it.
  
  
• And the counterintuitive truth about attraction and leadership your wife needs from you if you want to rebuild your relationship.
  
  

Let’s get into it. 

Why Their Advice Feels Comforting 

So friends and family obviously love you, so they jump in. They see you in pain, and their instinct is to protect you.

Their advice feels good because it can validate your pain and give solutions to something seemingly complex

The problem is, they don’t see the whole picture, they don’t necessarily know the private dynamics between you and your wife. And I can confidently say for probably 90-95% of people in the world, it may even be higher, they don’t understand how attraction, polarity, and emotional safety work.

Think about it:

• If your buddy went through a divorce, he’s speaking through his wounds. He’s projecting his own story onto yours.
  
  
• If your mom or sister gives advice, they’re speaking from a more protective, nurturing lens, and generally not an understanding of what draws feminine energy back into masculine leadership.
  
  
• And if coworkers or acquaintances throw in their two cents, it’s often based on societal clichés: ‘happy wife, happy life’ … or the Hollywood idea that love dies unless you keep it romantic with constant big gestures.

And while gestures of romance are great and something to continue to do with your wife when the relationship is going well, it does nothing in terms of building back up lost respect or attraction after a downturn in the marriage.

This is why their advice is comforting but dangerous. On the outside it is well meaning and sounds easy to execute, and it validates your side of the story, but it doesn’t fix the issue, and most of the time, makes it worse because it communicates that you have no idea how to lead things back to a thriving state. 

How Following Their Advice Sabotages Respect

Let’s look at the three most common ways friends and family sabotage you: without meaning to:

1. They Encourage Logic Over Leadership. 

This is the whole “just sit down and explain yourself better’. But your wife isn’t disconnected because she doesn’t understand your logic. She’s disconnected because she doesn’t feel your strength, and to be more precise, you don’t understand her emotions and what is required to nurture those. .

1. They Push Gestures Over Presence
   This is the ‘Plan a trip, buy flowers, do something big to prove or remind her of your love’. This was the turning point in my painful story, when things were turning rocky with my ex-fiance so I took her on a nice luxury vacation to a resort in Mexico and was dumped by her 2 days after returning. 

Doing the grand gesture like we see in Hollywood movies and shows, is not only approval seeking behavior, it’s trying to use gestures to close an emotional gap in the relationship. She is intuitive enough to know these gestures are done out of panic and uncertainty, not with emotional grounding. 

So what happens is, the gestures just feel like more pressure to her, and hinder connection further.

1. They Promote Reactivity Instead of Clarity

This is advising you to ‘Tell her it’s your way or the highway.’ Or the opposite: ‘Just back off, she’ll come around.’ These are both reactive in nature and neither shows steady leadership.

Another hidden danger is that if she knows that you are getting this outside advice from friends or family, and the more you act on that outside advice, the more she sees you as a man who doesn’t trust himself.

Think about it: if every move you make comes from what your mom, your friend, or what divorced Roger from the office said to do, what does that tell her?

It tells her you’re not the man she can trust to lead her. Or at least you are not acting like, and haven’t been acting like that man.

And that, right there, is why respect slips further and further away.

The Counterintuitive Truth About Attraction

“Here’s what most people, including myself for a long time in my younger years, never understand:

Attraction isn’t logical. It’s not about checking boxes or agreeing on everything. It’s about polarity, the tension between your masculine leadership and her feminine trust.

And when polarity is lost, her feelings of being ‘in love’ collapse.

So when your family says, ‘Just explain your side better,’ they don’t realize logic rarely makes her feel safe or attracted.
When your friends say, ‘Man, just give her space, she’ll come around,’ they don’t realize pulling away without leadership creates more emotional distance.

When people say, ‘Take her on a trip or buy her something,’ they don’t realize gestures without grounded presence only feel like manipulation.

Society and pop culture teach us that women want constant compromise, endless talking, and flowers on Valentine’s Day. And while gestures matter, like I mentioned, they’re not what rebuilds attraction.

Why Leadership Has to Come From You

A hard pill to swallow for men in your position who WANT to make change is that you cannot outsource leadership. 

Your wife doesn’t want your dad’s version of strength. She doesn’t want your best friend’s opinion running your marriage.  And her nervous system doesn’t respond to Hollywood’s script for how a man ‘wins her back.’

She wants you: the grounded, steady, clear man she fell in love with.

And that’s where most men miss it. They think:

• If I just try harder…
  
  
• If I just do what everyone says…
  
  
• If I just wait long enough…
  
  

…she’ll come back.

But attraction doesn’t come back because of time, or other people’s strategies.
It comes back when you reclaim clarity, presence, and proper direction.

When you stop outsourcing your decisions, and start leading from your values, she feels polarity again. She feels the safety to relax into her feminine. And that’s when the spark reignites.

But you have to take action NOW to understand what women truly respond to, the intricacies of attraction, and how to lead properly in your relationship. 

This is exactly what I provide for you step-by-step in my Relationship Rebuild program, and if you are somebody in this position and want to try something different and what actually works, your first step is to watch my Free masterclass, which you can find the link to in the description below. 

Filtering the Noise - Filters of Leadership

The reality is, you can’t stop people from giving advice. But you can stop letting it run your marriage.

Here are a few quick filters of leadership you can use when your marriage is very turbulent and advice is bestowed on you by the ones you love:  

Before you act on advice, ask yourself:

1. The first filter is Intention – Is this advice I am getting about protecting me, or rebuilding connection in my marriage?
   
   
2. The second filter is Alignment – Does this advice match my values and the man I want to become, not just the one someone suggests “works”?
   
   
3. And finally the 3rd filter is Impact – Will this advice make your wife feel safer and more respected, or more pressured and confused?
   
   

If it fails the filters, you don’t act on it. Simple as that.

So to give you an example: your buddy says, ‘Man, just ignore her texts for a week, she’ll chase you.’
Filter 1: Intention? This advice is more about control, not connection.
Filter 2: Alignment? I mean, that isn’t the man I want to be, so that is how this would look to me through the alignment filter.
Filter 3: The Impact? Doing this will make her feel abandoned, not safe.

So quick filter check: Fail, fail, and…fail. That’s not leadership. That advice is essentially manipulation.

Now compare that to: ‘I’ll give her space when she asks, but I’ll remain calm and consistent when we do interact. No pressure. No collapsing.’

Bam, passes all three filters. That’s a component of masculine leadership.

Conclusion

“So here’s the takeaway:
Friends and family can support you. They can love you. They can listen.
But they cannot lead your marriage. Only you can.

And when you reclaim that responsibility — not by controlling, not by begging, but by leading with calm clarity: that’s when respect, connection, and attraction rebuild.

This is the heart of what I teach in the full Relationship Rebuild program. And I know it works because I’ve lived it.

 Click the link in the description to watch the free Masterclass.

Take that step, because the right leadership can rebuild respect faster than you think, and it is virtually impossible without it. ”

The link is in the description. Watch it now if you’re serious about saving your marriage.

I hope you enjoyed this video, if you did please hit the like button and subscribe to the channel.

I’ll catch you guys in the next episode.