“I love you…but I'm not in love with you anymore.”

I feel like all of us men have heard that at least once in our lives, and when we have, there is this feeling like your heart got ripped out of your chest, or it sinks all the way into your stomach. 

If you recently heard those words from your wife or partner, it’s a devastating feeling of wondering how the woman you love and built a life with could say something so final and so cold. 

But what you need to know is just because she said that phrase, does not mean she’s done.

In this video, I’m going to break down exactly:

• What that phrase actually means when she says it…
  
  
• Why your natural instinct to ‘talk it through’ or try harder almost always backfires…
  
  
• And what you can start doing instead if you want to reignite her love and attraction, and give your marriage a fighting chance.
  
  

And if you’re serious about saving your marriage, I created a free masterclass where I walk you step by step through the exact roadmap I use with men in crisis. 

The link for that free masterclass is in the description below

What She’s Really Saying (And Not Saying)

So….when a woman says, ‘I love you, but I’m not in love with you,’ she’s really trying to describe an emotional state she can’t put into words, other than saying those ones that punch us right in the gut..

She’s not really saying she doesn’t care. She’s also not necessarily saying that she doesn't want the relationship.

What it really means when she says I love you, but I’m not in love with you is that she doesn’t feel the spark of emotional safety, connection, and inspiration that she once felt with you.

She’s saying:

• She feels more like your roommate than your wife.
  
  
• She doesn’t feel emotionally understood or inspired.
  
  
• She doesn’t trust you with her deeper feelings anymore.
  
  

Why this is so misunderstood by men is because most women don’t actually know how to explain this properly to their man.  Most women don’t say: ‘I feel emotionally unsafe with you,’ or ‘I don’t feel your presence as a man anymore.’

Instead, they reach for the only phrase that captures the emptiness they feel, which is ‘I love you, but I’m not in love with you.’

It’s not really her fault that she doesn't explain it where she defines that she doesn’t feel emotionally safe with you, but because of that when men hear those words, we immediately react in a way that sends the marriage or relationship towards the edge of destruction. 

It is obviously a painful shock to hear those words, so as men we generally say: 

• ‘But look at everything I do for you.’
  
  
• ‘We’ve built this family together, isn’t that enough?’
  
  
• ‘If you’d just tell me what to do, I’ll fix it.’
  
  

And to be honest, there are some women out there who actually DO understand these concepts and will tell you what they ended, but oftentimes men do not know how to execute the leadership in the relationship, so it frustrates her even more.

You have to understand, though, when she says I love you but I’m not in love with you, she’s not making a logical argument or rash decision  when she says those words: she’s revealing an emotional disconnection that she feels, even if she isn’t able to explain it properly.

Ask yourself this: if she doesn’t feel safe opening up to you emotionally, does it matter how many times you tell her you love her, or how hard you try to remind her of your history together and things you’ve built? She doesn’t feel it. And feelings drive connection, facts don’t.

Why Trying Harder Backfires

When men hear this dreadful phrase, and I know from experience, absolute panic sets in. 

When my ex-fiance told me she loved me but was no longer in love with me, right after we got back from a nice luxury vacation to Mexico that I thought would help our relationship, I went into that all out panic. 

I started making moves that made perfect sense logically to me, but all it did was continue to suffocate her and push her further and further away. 

And out of that panic, we start making moves that make perfect sense to us but feels suffocating to her.

In the case with my ex-fiance, I  would try to launch into endless conversations and convince her of my love for her and that she is making a mistake, writing her long texts and just basically pouring out my feelings with the hope that if she could just listen to how much I loved her, this would reignite that spark.

 Most men tend to do something similar, and if not those moves they do other ones where they get angry and that is clearly not going to help the situation much either.

The reality is, every single one of those moves we make as men communicates the same thing to her nervous system, which is ‘I’m not strong enough to hold steady unless you reassure me that everything is great’

And the counterintuitive aspect of it is, the more you push for reassurance, the more pressure she feels and that starts to eradicate her desire for you completely.

Think about it this way: if someone is drowning, they’ll start to flail and cling to anything, but that desperate clinging actually drags both people down. That’s why Kate didn’t let Leo hang on to the floating piece of wreckage in Titanic.  

So when we act like this as men, she feels fear and desperation in us, not strength. .

SO as much as our intention is to make her fall back in love with us as fast as possible, it DOES NOT work that way at all.  Fear doesn’t make her fall back in love, It makes her retreat further. 

And one thing you need to know is it takes time for a woman to fall out of love with you, just like it takes time for her to develop feelings for you, so you cannot just snap her feelings back in love with you by panicking and showering her with your love. 

This is why I put together the free masterclass. Because unless you learn how to shift out of panic and into grounded leadership, every move you make right now will likely backfire. The link’s below in the description— but let me keep unpacking this for you.”

The Real Path Back to Connection

So… gifts, words, fancy vacations to bribe her emotions, and using logic don’t work… what does?

It’s about becoming more as a leader in the relationship..

You need to learn how to ground yourself emotionally. When she says things that feel cold or pulls back away from you, you being able to maintain stability is the signal she’s really looking for.

You also need to learn to stop trying to overexplain your point of view as if you can  just get her to understand your explanation, the sun will be shining again.  Most men dig themselves into holes by trying to ‘make her understand.’ This is a fallacy, and respect comes from living your standards, not convincing her.

You have to also reconnect with your masculine presence. This  means being steady enough that she feels both free and secure in your presence.

When your wife says, ‘I’m not in love with you,’ what she’s really expressing is that she doesn’t feel the polarity, the spark, and the safety she needs to surrender her heart. ’

And that only changes when she experiences a man who doesn’t collapse in the face of her distance.

The moment you stop needing her reassurance is the moment she can finally feel drawn back toward you. Because then she’s not responding to your panic, she’s responding to you showing up in your  masculine strength.

She starts to feel the safety and polarity she previously lost. And that’s when she starts to feel drawn to you again. This is not accomplished out of guilt or presenting all your logical points on an excel spreadsheet, it’s accomplished out of desire because you show up as a leader

So ask yourself: what would it look like today to show up from strength instead of fear? Not next month. Not after she ‘comes around.’ But today?

What to Do Now (Instead of Spiraling)

You don’t have to become a perfect man overnight. But if you are hearing that dreaded phrase from her…or something like it, you are at  a fork in the road.

Path one is the spiral: more fear, more confusion, more chasing her. That path almost always ends in separation or divorce, and a hell of a lot of emotional and financial toll.

Path two is the rebuild. Grounded clarity. Stepping into emotional leadership. Becoming the man she can feel safe choosing again.

If you’re serious about getting on that second path, stopping guessing what works, and becoming the man who leads the relationship forward with confidence…I built a free masterclass just for you.

It’s not about manipulation. It’s not about memorizing scripts. And it’s not about waiting around for her to ‘change her mind.’ or hope she comes around.

It’s about becoming the man to lead your relationship and overall life forward to a thriving state.

Click the link in the description to watch it now.”

You don’t need to be perfect. You don’t need to have all the answers. But you do need to stop reacting from fear and start leading from strength.

Conclusion

So here’s what I want you to take away….: ‘I love you, but I’m not in love with you’ doesn’t mean there’s no hope.

It means the way you’ve been showing up isn’t inspiring her trust and desire anymore.

That can change, but only if you stop chasing and start leading.

So if you’re ready to become the man who can guide your marriage out of crisis and into connection again, watch the masterclass now.

And if this video spoke to you, hit like, subscribe to the channel, and drop a comment sharing your story. You’re not alone in this.

I’ll see you in the next episode.