If your wife has been pulling away from you…If her tone has changed and it feels like she doesn’t really hear you anymore…

There’s a very real chance that what’s actually happening…is that she’s losing respect for you.

And I know that’s not easy to hear…But, if you’re honest with yourself,  you already feel it a little bit, don’t you?

But you didn’t just wake up one day and decide to become someone their wife loses respect for.

It happens slowly. Quietly. And by the time you feel it… It already feels like you’re behind.

So in today’s episode, I’m going to break down 5 ways you are unknowingly losing your wife’s respect, and more importantly, how to start shifting those 5 things so that you can not only rebuild the respect she has for you, but make her even more attracted to you than ever before.

LOVE WITHOUT RESPECT?

Before we get into the five ways…I just need to make sure that you clearly understand how important it is to have her respect if you want to have an amazing relationship where her attraction level is so high for you. 

Women cannot be in love with a man that they don’t respect, which is why it is so hard for men to rebuild their marriages when they are on the brink because fear takes them to a place where they are taking actions in wanting to save everything, but those actions help her lose respect for you for good. 

So with that in mind, let’s break down where it’s slipping for you because they aren’t obvious mistakes so you probably don’t know the level of damage these subtle patterns are doing.

These are quiet things that stack up and erode respect over time, to a point where you are blindsided by the level of emotional disconnect your wife has in the relationship. 

So let’s get into them…

1. YOU TRY TO BE UNDERSTOOD INSTEAD OF BEING GROUNDED

The first way you are losing your wife’s respect is that you are trying so hard to be understood by her in conversations (that often turn into arguments) instead of being grounded. 

And I know, you’re going to hear that and think I am crazy, because it sounds ridiculous when compared to the commonplace advice we hear, which is, you have to have really solid communication in your relationship.

But what I’m talking about looks like this:

You feel misunderstood in a conversation…so you try harder to explain yourself.

You clarify and repeat the point you’re trying to make, and you’re defending your intention. She just doesn’t seem to be understanding, so you get a bit more frustrated.

And in your mind, you’re thinking “If she just understood what I am trying to say, this would be fine.” But it just keeps going in that circle of frustration. 

This is one of the biggest traps that men fall into and get frustrated by, and I know this because this used to be one of my greatest weaknesses that got me into so many issues, and became the downfall of so many relationships of mine. 

But there is way more to it than just having solid communication. 

Communication isn’t just about being able to convey your points and thought process clearly, at least not when you’re dealing with feminine emotion and energy. 

All those logical points you are repeating because she isn’t understanding you don’t matter if you are not able to make her feel safe and understood beforehand. 

And the more you get frustrated trying to explain to her, the more your instability shows and she does not feel like she’s interacting with someone grounded.

I know it sounds counterintuitive, but the reality when you’re trying to connect with feminine energy is that the more you try to be understood… the less solid you feel to her.

This is a great segue into the 2nd way you’re losing her respect without knowing it… YOU LOSE YOUR CENTER WHEN THINGS GET EMOTIONAL.

2. YOU LOSE YOUR CENTER WHEN THINGS GET EMOTIONAL

This is where the foundation of respect really starts to develop the little cracks over repeated instances. 

It’s not that you feel emotions, or like you’re not allowed to feel emotions, that is not the problem at all. 

I’m not trying to make you into this emotionless zombie, or a boring coded A.I., I guess, in today’s world. 

The true issue is what happens when those emotions you have as a human, take over your behavior.

When she gets upset or expresses her emotions at a higher rate (which is much more natural for women) you get pulled into it…

I know you can think back right now to a whole bunch of different instances where this has happened and you’ve felt this before. 

She’s upset… her tone is sharp… and suddenly you’re trying to defend yourself instead of staying grounded.

Now you’re just reacting. Everything happens pretty quickly because it is emotionally charged so you’re doing a mix of defending, shutting down, but ultimately showing great frustration. 

This is where the difference in masculine vs feminine energy plays such a key role.

Because women are driven more by emotion, she is not thinking logically in these moments (remember what I said in the first way you are losing her respect - trying to be understood by using logic to explain to her)

All she is feeling is how she is experiencing you, and how she doesn't feel like she can settle into it. 

When you show that you will continue to lose your emotional center on so many occasions, that pattern decimates emotional safety for her over time.

It starts to build up a confirmation bias in her head about how you show up, and respect and attraction start to fade the longer this pattern continues. 

This is why emotional discipline as the masculine leader of the relationship is so important. And it isn’t just important when it comes to your relationship, it is so important in all areas of life. 

Your ability to be steady and create emotional safety for her consistently over time is in direct correlation to her respect level and attraction for you, and what will allow it to grow again. 

3. YOU TRADE YOUR STANDARDS FOR SHORT-TERM PEACE 

Okay, the third one is something that I think we can all relate to. I know there were many moments in my failed relationships (especially with my ex-fiance who left me) where I became complacent and I was guilty of this when things got rocky.

You TRADE YOUR STANDARDS FOR SHORT-TERM PEACE. 

This one creeps up on you and doesn’t feel like you’re doing anything that bad, but it is subtle and can be very very dangerous to the relationship dynamic. 

You actively start avoiding conflict because you’re tired and you feel like everything you say or do is making her upset with you. 

The go to is to start keeping the peace by avoiding conflict because you start to think that “It’s not worth the argument.” and you just start letting things go (even if she is crossing your boundaries) because you don’t want to make things worse.

So you give in to little things at first (and when it really isn’t doing what you thought), you start giving in to the bigger things as well, you’re not really standing on anything anymore.

And this is where most guys think they’re doing the right thing, but it’s exactly what’s costing them respect.

Every time you abandon your position, she feels it - even if she gets her way in these individual moments. And over time, the respect starts to disappear because it is hard to respect a man she can completely have her way with and override. 

Respect doesn’t grow when you keep the peace at your own expense, it grows when your actions reflect that you actually stand for something…Even when that something may be uncomfortable.

4. YOU SHOW INTENTION… BUT NOT FOLLOW-THROUGH 

The 4th way you’re losing your life’s respect is one that destroys credibility extremely fast. 

This is where you show intention for things, but not follow-through. 

For example, you say you’re going to go to the gym, or you say you’re going to start eating healthier, or a whole bunch of other intentional things you say you’re going to do, but never follow-through. 

These ones may be a little more trivial, but still show a lack of congruence with your words (which is not a good look to her), the knockout punch is when you say you’re going to change (and tell her things like you’re going to listen to her more, make her feel understood, all these other things) and you really really mean it, you FEEL IT when you say it to her…

But then…a week later, or two weeks later, you slip back during a conversation and turn it into an argument trying to explain or logic your way to her heart.

And now she’s seen this pattern enough times that your words don’t carry weight anymore.

And once your words lose weight…everything you say starts getting filtered through that doubt (which is the confirmation bias that builds up in her head).

So even when you’re sincere…it doesn’t land with her in any meaningful way because your consistency hasn’t backed it up yet.

This is where you will get incredibly frustrated and start to put the blame on her thinking “why can’t she see that I am trying”

But continuing to say the right things doesn’t rebuild respect.

Quiet, repeated follow-through of the right actions… that consistency… THAT is what starts to change how she experiences you and only then does the confirmation bias start to crack and start to go away.

5. YOU’VE STOPPED LEADING YOURSELF 

And finally, the 5th way you’re losing your wife’s respect is really the foundation for everything. 

It can be summed up as simply as this… “if you’re not leading yourself…there is absolutely no way you can lead the relationship”

Leading yourself means you have to have purpose and direction. 

You have a solid set of standards in your own life, and you LIVE by them.

Because when those standards start to slip…It shows up everywhere.

Your energy drops, your discipline fades, your presence weakens.

If you’re not going after your purpose and living in those standards, she feels a weakened presence and that starts to wane on her respect level for you.  

Even if she can’t explain why… the reality is the man she was once drawn to had some form of direction, had some edge. 

Think about when you first started dating a long time ago…and think about how you are showing up now.

Back then she became attracted to you for a reason, and I am willing to bet you are showing up much differently than you did before. 

My guess is now you feel like a man who is just sort of waiting, watching, reacting… hoping things just get better on their own instead of moving forward in your own life with PURPOSE.

And when that happens…she starts pulling back because the dynamic is not what it used to be. 

Respect starts with how you show up in your own life, not how you treat her.

TURNING THE RESPECT AROUND

So now the question becomes…How do you turn this around in the quickest way possible?

Because hearing these 5 ways you’re losing her respect and recognizing that you’re doing some or all of these is one thing, but actually course correcting… is another.

This is going to sound very basic and unhelpful, but this is EXACTLY how you have to approach it: 

You don’t talk your way back into respect… you become consistent enough that she has no choice but to feel the difference.

And the reason you do that is not for her reaction, you’re taking ownership and doing that because you’re done being in the position you’re in and feeling the way you have been feeling, and you want to be in control of the changes you can make. .

You are controlling the controllables, so that means you need to become someone who doesn’t chase understanding and doesn’t abandon himself to avoid tension.

You start to operate from a place of internal structure where all of your actions, tone, and decisions reflect that of being grounded. 

If you focus on these key pillars, you will start to create immense change in how you feel about yourself, and that is what also allows her to experience you in a way that will cause her attraction to start to increase again. 

The key pillars to focus on are

1. Direction

Your life has to move somewhere, with or without her.

2. Emotional Stability

You don’t react… you absorb, assess, and respond.

3. Integrity

Your word has to equal reality. You must be congruent in your actions with the things that you say. 

And finally…

4. Standards

You don’t bend over backwards  just to avoid discomfort thinking you’re going to change her mind. It’s not her mind you need to change, it’s the way she feels around you. 

When you start to live this way, you also can’t fool yourself and think you can just do it for a few days, maybe a week, and start peaking your head up looking for results and seeing if it’s working, or if she’s changing. 

Don’t be like most men who are so impatient and the moment they don’t see immediate change…they revert and go back to what they were doing before which is ultimately going to cause her to lose respect for good.

There is a lag in the results with her, because of the confirmation bias she has built up, and that is the ENTIRE reason why you’re living these standards for you and not that outcome.

That outcome is a byproduct of you regaining your own self-respect and confidence. 

I get that it feels easier to try and explain everything to her one last time so she FINALLY UNDERSTANDS, but I promise you from 1st hand experience of myself it does not work. 

THE BIG STEP TO SAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP

So, if you’re watching to this point… it means you have most likely already felt the shift in your relationship and her respect level. 

You know something is off.

The biggest mistake you can make would be thinking it fixes itself.

It truly doesn’t.

But it can be rebuilt, IF you stop trying to manage her and her emotions… and start leading yourself properly again.

If you feel like your wife has lost respect for you, or is losing respect for you and you’re very frustrated in the way your marriage is going…And you can see yourself in some or all of the 5 patterns I mentioned…

That’s actually a good thing, because now you’re aware of what’s really happening underneath.

And that gives you a real opportunity to make the changes and take the right path forward.

If you’re recognizing yourself in this and you don’t want to keep making the same mistakes, go and watch my free Relationship Rebuild masterclass.

I break the path down step-by-step and give you the right direction to save your marriage in the fastest way possible. Do not waste any more time thinking she will just magically come around.

You can find the link for the free masterclass in the description and pinned comment below.

If this video helped you out, make sure you hit that like button and subscribe to the channel as well. 

I’ll see you in the next episode, real soon.